Markers

Last night was filled with a conversation topic that I haven't and loved not experiencing within my family. My single season, my sister's who love me lots and just want the best for me proposed the idea of getting some dating experience, so asked if I wanted to go on a date with someone from my old church.  I kind of feel grossed out just typing that out.

It's not a response to him, but more so a response to the very thought of doing that which makes me feel queasy.  Trying to go my own way, guised as a great idea from my family.  I sat in that space, with the very immediate response no while red and awkward from embarrassment.  I got all the but why's and pros of this person in rebuttal from them.  You need to try and it's getting harder to find someone, cause everyone has either got kids, or other baggage to deal with.  My sisters I love them heaps, and love that they want to try to help me it's just I can't verbalise to them the main reason behind my no.

I had some chats with God about it and more so recently have wanted to be set up by someone, my flesh has been crying heaps lately.  However, I know and sense in my spirit that I need to wait.  I obviously don't feel it's the right season either as I'm in my healing journey so not wanting to put that on anyone but God and me.  I as much as it pains me to say if my sister's had asked me a couple of weeks ago when I was more vulnerable I would've leapt at the idea.  As I've continued to talk to God and work through my feelings it's a firm no, and it's not a forever no, just until God clearly says I can.

I had to question whether my no was because of the person that again pains me to say I still like.  Despite the sometimes very annoying communication habits of his, not seeing or talking to him for I don't know how long now.  I still have a lot of like for him.  It annoys me, as I just wish that I could switch how I feel off about him.  Unfortunately God's journeying that with me, and even without a clear outcome that I wish I could run ahead and get I have to do it God's way.

Saying no to set ups, desires and my own way.  Choosing conviction over my flesh.

Watch this space.

God loves you so big!!

xox

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When noone listens

So have felt like I've had the busiest last few months ever.   After mum left had a break then was back to helping out with our young adults ministry at church since we decided on our faith goal of 100 people going to retreat its been really busy.  I've felt so angry, frustrated, tired, annoyed (still am now) at the amount of work that's been happening but no one seems to listen to me.  It's frustrating but I know when I step back the 100 people we take represent the 100 potential God encounters that can take place at our retreat.  When I'm tired, and alone and only doing it with a few faithful people and it's getting too much I get reminded of the verse in Galatians 6:9-10 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10 So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.  I'm not going to have this opportunity forever, seasons will ch...
Read more

Thank you Mum

Dear Mum, I write this post in honor of you for the woman that you were to me and the impact you continue to have on all of us.  You have been my Nurturer from conception to your passing, your love for us never ceases to amaze me.  Your selflessness is one thing that I know I'm always going to be thankful for.  You were always putting our needs ahead of your own even right to the day you left us.  You were an amazing mother that always went beyond what you needed to some people would say you babied us but that was just you and I'm always going to be grateful for.  The laughs, growlings, hidings and the pickups and dropoffs are things that I'm missing the most. Your loud voice is what I miss a lot of too, and your out of tune singing and me growling you about the way you pronounce cold!! I know where you are and when I eventually do see you again mum I want to make sure I made you proud.  I remember lying with you that night and you telling me how proud yo...
Read more

A revelation of love

Last night during quiet time I really felt like the Holy Spirit made me realize the value of God's love for me during the worship song of like incense.  I've always known that God loves me, but I really felt God's presence show me this love through it, and it's stuck with me for most of the day today.  As you can tell this season's so full on.  I'm more appreciative of the time that I just get to sit, sometimes  I do struggle to just sit and do nothing but I know its for my benefit.  So this revelation of love, came fully to me after just feeling tired and overwhelmed by everything retreat.  The good thing about it is that I'm learning that its not my strength but by His spirit could feel His love for me last night and just felt so thankful for everything He's done so far for me and my family.  I've been stressed, worried and anxious and felt so good just resting in Him. Could really feel God's presence last night in the quiet.  Really realize ...
Read more