awkwardisoverrated

I sit here on a chilly Friday night pondering what lies ahead.  The weekend, life in general, NZ in general just humanity in general really LOL.  We are almost in May 2022 and all I can say is how did we get here so quickly.  The years almost halfway done. Anyways onto the topic at hand, healing and what this looks like for me and possibly whoever reads this too.  Healing in my experience has not been linear, it has been high, low and everything in between.  I've come so far yet it feels like at times it's off putting wanting to continue.  Insert regressions, lessons and challenges of it.   Facing into the things that I've just felt were my personality or habits that at the time helped me to survive aren't working for me currently.  I was once the girl that overthought everything, I wouldn't triple think things it would be like Quadruple and then some.  It helped me to prepare for any kind of circumstance that could pop up.  This mo...

Oh hey 2022! Didn't see you in the midst of the continued craziness we are living in.  It's almost February and what a month.  Work started, court and police investigation finished & the healing continues.   I kind of felt the impact of the last 2 years this week, had a mental health day cause I just couldn't deal with people.  Honestly I was running off adrenalin due to the court outcome last Wednesday and I just crashed.  I feel like I'm still in recovery mode but slowly finding my bearings again.  It's been a goodie but really tiring this month.  Ups, downs and everything else in between.   I kind of eased myself into work it helped that it was quiet but I know that as school returns it's about to be really busy.  This also with the added job of training staff into my old role, transitioning into my new one which has pretty much been happening since mid last year anyways.  I also forgot to mention my favourite job of all...

Today I had a moment, where I was trying to keep someone alive.  The memory of them and everything associated with them.  I'm learning all about Attachment theory at the moment from a book and this is called activating strategies.  Things that someone that has an anxious attachment style does to keep a person connected to them.  I should probably supply some context aye? So recently I reconnected with an old friend, with the intention of getting things for nothing or without any expectation for more.  Was I a fool again, lol I convinced myself that I could do it this wouldn't be hard like I don't even like the dude romantically anyways so what's the harm.  Again I lied to myself, convincing myself that this would work and I wouldn't get hurt.  I promised myself I would put a cage around my heart & not be hurt again like I was previously with this person.  I told him that in similar wording & we were both good with the arrangement.  If...

This week's been a goodie, as in NZ have adapted a new framework to support with protecting Kiwis against Coronavirus.  I say goodie, sarcastically as I don't agree with any of how this pandemic has been managed by our government.  Tyranny, discrimination, bullying, coercion, censorship & no accountability whatsoever for adverse side-effects to people is what has been actually happening.  The manipulation of statistics, fear mongering & press conferences that evade actual questions about the efficacy of the vaccination, and how the separation of the unwaxxed & waxxed is discrimination are some of the not so kind things our PM has and continues to do. This has been my observation, and experience in the last few months during lockdown.  The pressure to get jabbed, has got to the point where people have to choose their body autonomy or livelihood.  This is not very fair, it's also got to the point where you choose being included in society by getting do...

It's been a while since I last posted.  And how my life has changed dramatically.  The last 2 months have been insane for me.  Whether its on the work front or personal side, I've felt like I've been through the fire and by the grace of God, continue to make my way to the other side. So what's changed? you ask LOL while the first major thing has been I'm now flatting.  Had to move out of my family's due to my medical status.  The covid climate has been real and continues to impact the world, our country in a negative way.  A small lockdown turned into where we're still sitting in, due to the vaccination rates needing to increase before we're allowed back to normal life.  Which isn't really going to be normal for many.  Depending on your vax status, limits where you can go to.  Currently there's more liberties for people, and the unvaccinated.  However when the vax rate goes up, the unvaccinated are not allowed to enter hospitality spaces...

I sit here on my mum's birthday with work off, because pre lockdown we were meant to spend the day together as a family.  Thanks Covid, however thought this was the perfect opportunity to write about me.  Like who I am, cause realized that whoever reads my blog should have an idea of who I am, and I thought I wanted to do it as I'm on this journey of self love and healing.  So, here we go. Currently am 31, living in Manukau with my family and I have a job that I mostly love but am all the time passionate about.  I work in the Family harm space with families that are or have experienced family violence in its varying forms.  I have been doing this for 5 years after working in retail jobs for most of my adult life.  I studied at AUT University completing my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology in 2014, my motto was C's get degrees.  I got it, but if I could go back and redone it, would've made more of an effort.  Nevertheless it was a lesson.   ...