Loving the brown skin I live in

With the face and hair of a Niuean, the body of a Samoan, with limited speaking ability of both but perfect fluency in English, to the point of people confusing me for White.

A thing that I use to be proud of because I sounded "fancy" HOWEVER this is not what I feel anymore.  I'm grateful that I have English (mostly) down, but I would love it if I could speak both my parent's languages.  A journey that I've started and to continue in the years to come.

I was born in New Zealand, the country that I call home but reminded by my biological make up that it's actually not.  I don't often identify as Samoan, because I was mostly raised on my mum's side that's Niuean but heaps confused.  Confused in the sense that there wasn't much pride for the culture.  Maybe it was because most of the family were born here.  I look at my Dad's family and see the polar opposite.  Pride in language and culture where I often stayed away from growing up because I didn't think I fit in.  

Currently I sit in the space between where I'm discovering who God actually created me to be, as I come out of the person that circumstance & society have made me become.  To survive, to get by.  I don't want to be this way anymore.  No more, I'm actually wanting to explore and deepen my understanding of my culture and identity.  

Rooted in God, and crowned as a daughter of the most high King.  Kind, loving, imperfect and caring sometimes to a fault, covered in brown skin.  Brown skin, that I've always known to be associated with oppression, limitations, and never good enough to amount to anything beyond a Creative or working in a factory.  However as I navigate this journey of life covered in my brown skin, I know that despite these negative connotations there's actually more to us than this.

Strength, resilience, service to family & community are some of the things that I've been blessed to witness growing up & experiencing.  Creativity, the uncanny ability to discern beyond what's presented at face value, love & connections to culture (sometimes flawed) but nevertheless beautiful still, are things that I love and associate now more with being brown.  Add my brownness with being raised in South Auckland, and I wouldn't be surprised if you assumed that I was "just another lazy brown person living off the benefit".  Offended but not surprised when this is all us brownies are portrayed as in the media.

This is not us.  Yea some of us may be like that HOWEVER mostly all I see and feel as I live out here are individuals that are survivors, innovators & creatives that are doing their best to better themselves and the generations after them.  Some of the means may be a bit out the gate, however I hope and see mostly that the intent is good.  A people that are doing their best with what's in their hands, whilst simultaneously helping out one other even in their own struggle.  

Brown-ness, a part of me that society has always tried to limit.  In it's design and system set up it's purpose is limitation, and we, me, you regardless of what skin colour you have, have a responsibility to influence this space.  Influence it in a way, that oppression doesn't continue to occur, working within the system, against it.  Where freedom happens for all individuals, especially the most oppressed which are indigenous communities.

In my brown skin, where society says multiple different things about and to me that can potentially force me to be ashamed of it.  Instead I will and I hope you too, will instead actively choose to oppose it, and take pride in your roots.  In small or big ways always ensuring they're your ways, be proud of the skin God's called you to live in.

God loves you so big!

xoxo