awkwardisoverrated

 It's December 2020 and in 30 days we will farewell the year that everyone wants to forget. I'll be honest, to a degree this is me but mostly this year has brought several changes for me that I didn't actually think would be beneficial.  Imagine having most of what is familiar, habit & "traits" pulled, prodded & uprooted.  My environment has not changed much but it's the inner working God's been doing that literally has me more grateful than I've ever been. It's like the blinders are coming off, past hurts that use to determine my reactions & thoughts no longer have this hold on me (it's a daily process, I don't think I will ever reach the point that I arrive until I leave this earth).  I'm that person that over thinks the shiz out of everything.  To a degree I still do, in parts of me & life that impact my heart mostly.  However what 2020 has taught me is what I once thought was a stable  part of my life/personality is ...

It's been 2 weeks since I had shoulder surgery. I'm testing out my operated arm, and even still being in a sling for the next 4 weeks, God's been so kind in healing me from my pain.  I'm on minimal pain relief, and I think what I'm learning is that I will be my biggest barrier to recovery if I'm not wise.  So I type, ever slowly considering how and what's being done by God in this current season. Slowly use to be a word I disliked.  What I learnt in my time off, that this in actual fact is where I should be living.  I could never sit still for more then 5 minutes, actively searching for the next thing to do on my check list.  This has changed & continues to change in my recovery.  I've been forced by God to rest & seek help, which has been so challenging & butt hurting to be honest.  I am the person that will overload myself physically & metaphorically to help others.  Helping is not the enemy though, it's what I was getting from i...