awkwardisoverrated

So I haven’t posted in a while partly cause of work and a lack of motivation.   I’ve only felt drawn to write when there’s something big going on in my world but can’t say that hasn’t happened cause a lot has changed over the last few months.   Christmas has happened, finally started working, a further prognosis of mum’s cancer was given and it wasn’t great, however I just haven’t wanted to write.   I’ve thought about it, planned to but it never has happened.   Procrastination and busyness have been convenient excuses of not to write, but regardless of how hard the last few months and year has been on my family & I being reminded by others and God of how much I’ve grown in faith.   Think it was a timely reminder because before we had our dinner I felt not depressed but just like my spirit was down and I hadn’t accomplished much this year.   Being around friends was encouraging and getting presents was a bonus, really felt the importance of stayin...

Been wanting to post all day about my failed attempts at relationships yes feel free to laugh if my mistakes help at least one person I’ll be happy.   So been single for about 5 years most of my life actually cause only been in one relationship (if you can call it that lol) but that’s not to say I haven’t been in a constant pursuit of trying to get in a relationship, which was for a while exasperated once I became a Christian.   I’ve written letters, texts, and would be lying if I didn’t say I’d manipulated a lot of people and situations to try and get with a potential.   I use to constantly be on the lookout for fresh meat and think about and do whatever it took to display a better version of myself to them.   All of my attempts failed leaving me with embarrassment, guilt, shame and another piece of my heart prematurely given away.   Nonetheless in this journey of mine, God has shown me a better way through countless mistakes, tears, hopes shattered (tha...

I had the intention of writing up a post about my refusal to be "that girl" anymore but gonna save that for another time.  So at the moment I've finished university and in between post graduation and work,  honestly has had to be one of the most challenging times in my life but through it all realized that as frustrating as it is having no money, being lost about what to do next God has been so faithful.  This time of doing nothing has actually when I think about it now has been a massive time of growth for me, though externally it may not show put on weight and a lot of time I'm told I look depressed lol God is working within me.  Especially this last past week have fully been challenged about the importance of loving myself fully, I think I don't have much of a problem loving others and being encouraging, gracious towards them but I when it comes to myself I struggle.  I don't think I'm alone in this, but honestly feel like last night God like He loves t...

Been struggling a lot lately with my single status, its a fight to stay content.  Normally I'm happy bout not having a significant other but because it feels like I'm constantly on my own makes it worse.  I had a good conversation with my mum about it cause I was thinking maybe I am a bit too picky, (who isn't) and from that and thinking about it earlier on yesterday I realized that even when potentials come along I can be blinded by my list.  So I'm not going to get rid of it altogether just going to re-think it a bit, obviously there's the non-negotiables like having to be in a relationship with Jesus that demonstrates faith with action and the fact that I want them to push me towards God and not away and being close with their family.  Other than those the list can be rejigged, throughout this wait and my wait for employment I've found myself feeling away from God, but when I do give Him my longings and real with Him I get my peace back.  Its a daily battle e...

So I've been job hunting for feels like ages, and am times have felt discouraged and have wanted to give up but reading so many encouraging posts about waiting whether it be for a relationship, or employment or for hard times to end am learning that joy isn't dependent on circumstance like I use to think but its still being able to smile in the grimy, dirty hardship because of resting in God.  I am learning to be humble by having no control in this season that I'm in actual learning the true reality that my life isn't really my own but God's.  He's molding me into a woman that tries and fights to keep looking to Him despite my circumstance, having no money, no direction (lack of), clarity and nothing is teaching me humility and that all I need is only found in Him!! As frustrating as this season is know that He is faithful and that I'm where I'm at because He knows its the best place for me (alyssa thanks for the reminder) I know that wherever God is goi...

Wow its September already, last blogged in June and just being honest didn't accomplish my mission of reintroducing myself to that girl from church (stink) but I'm going to keep an eye out for her just in case she turns up at church again.  Have done some other stuff been through new things like graduation!! wooo! and now in the search for a job, but considering post graduate options because finding work with an Arts graduate has been extremely hard!! NEVERTHELESS its still a degree and represents hard work, time and effort so ptl for what God done for me and will do through me with it :))) gone through some heavy family stuff too but God's helping us work through that too so definitely at a point in my life where I've truly only got my struggles to offer to God and learning that's all He needs :D having a lack of control and being soooo humbled these last few months has taught me and truly is showing me that God is all I have & all I need so gonna keep giving H...

Okay so I haven't blogged in a while, blame that last assignment but its done it did give me time to think about my next venture.  I've been avoiding a girl at church that I met at a camp ages ago because I don't know how to reaaproach her and reconnect yes that awkwardness has been getting in the way.  Nevertheless I'm gonna hunt for her this week at church & just be honest of why I haven't talked to her and apologize breaking that awkward mindset and get her connected.  At the end of the day its not about me will let you know how it goes :) xo