Locked up

It happened 2 Saturdays ago when I got the news that I was a close contact of a confirmed case of Covid.  I never thought I would see the day this happen.  Initially as I'm talking to the contact tracer on the phone, multiple different emotions are running through me.  Like really, how could it be Covid when no one else in the house returned positive results, my sister is going to be so mad, annoyed that going to work to help others has led me to be in this situation.  This didn't change much throughout that day, or week as I navigated self isolation in my work bubble.  My friends kindly let me stay with them for the remaining 9 days of my self isolation.  I knew it would be unrealistic to do it at home, and didn't want to go to a Isolation facility so off I went to my temporary home in Mangere.

Throughout the day, our team had multiple different conversations with our families at work, and the Covid team from Ministry of Health.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  All while needing to organize what self isolation looked like for our residents for the next 14 days.  We obviously couldn't go on site until it had ended, so my friend and team leader managed to organize getting supplies for everyone.  She was given that day to do this.  It seems like a blur now, the first hours of that afternoon, but I do remember crying a lot because I didn't feel that supported by my family.  This was the start of a really long week.

I absolutely enjoyed my time with my work family, it was really easy being there.  The most challenging thing about it was needing to endure a Harry Potter marathon LOL.  Aside from this, I ate like a Queen, mostly healthy food & slept well in her son's room during my time there.  I missed my family a lot, which took a massive toll on my mental health.  The whole not feeling supported by them, exasperated feelings of not feeling safe.  I now sit and reflect on it, and try to remember that everything that happened with them, was driven by fear on both sides.  I did learn about my need to not allow my feelings to consume me, which happened a few times.  Once again, it made me grateful for my relationship with God, cause He's what kept me going, and my community of friends that wrapped their arms around me.

All while this was happening, I was being bombarded with media about vaccinations.  I'm what you would call a conspiracy theorist, but only because my views are different to most others.  I'm not an anti vaccine advocate, more so a person who is about leaving people to choose for themselves (as much as you can) when getting it or not.  It's my body, so should be my choice, and although vaccinated as a child, I'm not going to get this one myself.  As an adult I've learnt to think critically, and not be so accepting of what's fed to me.  Also this whole journey of being "woke" to what's happening at the moment, is largely due to my work family.  I haven't had to do too much reading or watching because my friend has done that all for me.  LOL it kind of sounds contradictory to my previous statements, cause one would assume my views come from her.  However I would oppose this, I have seen medical and legal professionals opposing what's happening, people that are educated who aren't about the current mandates to vaccinate.  Which has actually got me, if people that are trained and professional in science oppose it then surely it should make me question as well.  

Flip to a year ago though, my view was opposite to this.  I was the sanitizer and mask queen.  I was constantly waiting for the updates on tv, and followed everything that I was told.  I eagerly awaited this vaccine that would help us, so I can understand both sides of thinking.  What has also driven me to my view point, is the fact that people that question or critically analyze things about Covid are villainized. I don't believe that if you view things differently this should happen.  It's unfair and as a Christian I think not supposed to be the way I operate.  Love covers all, comes to mind as I type. I will love because Jesus loved me first, the people that view things different to me, even my own family.  Navigating these kinds of conversations are challenging with my family, but slowly will get there, even as I will probably be the only one not vaccinated in my family.  I know I'm not alone in this though, families are divided everywhere so it doesn't make me feel so by myself in it.

We are living in interesting times, times where I've had moments where my prayer has been hurry up Jesus more than ever before.  It definitely has and continues to be a time where knowing whose I am has been super important & pivotal to keeping me going.  I trust and know it's not always going to be this crazy. as I keep hoping in the one that is not caught by surprise by any of this.

To end, the biggest takeaway for me from Self isolation life, was that having extra restrictions on my life took me to the edge quite quickly.  What held & helped me was obvs Jesus, and my community.  The whole not being able to do things for my health made me go mad real quickly.  I cried a lot, but I also had heaps of fun times as well.  I got closer to my friends, and became more appreciative of my house, nephews and room.  

I now sit on a Saturday 2 weeks after one of the most draining weeks of my life.  I didn't mention the challenge I had when being released.  I cried so much on that day, as after doing everything I was meant to do got delayed by a day. Yes a day seems dramatic to be kicking up a fuss, however it was the whole way it was managed.  I literally spoke to 5-6 different people giving me different messages, as I waited for them to see my negative result on the system.  I had to become really aggressive in my last call, to get them to release me.  Like not in a threatening way, but what I would consider "rude" for myself.  My tone went from upset, and hesitant to annoyed & assertive by my last phone call.  The Wednesday was the longest day of my life but God came through, and I ended up returning home that same afternoon.

Returning home and seeing my nephews was the best feeling.  Being in my own space was the best feeling too.  The walk I got to do on Thursday was the best too.  The things I took for granted, I never again will.  I also will never again want to do self isolation again, and I never want to get another Covid test in my life.  That is my hope and prayer.  Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

God loves you BIG!!!!

xoxo