awkwardisoverrated

 In August of 2020, only God could've known what this year was going to be like. The whole world is in the middle of a pandemic, our schedules, goals, plans & holidays all put on hold as the race is on to create a vaccine.  In the midst of it, season's have changed, friendships have developed & what God intended it to be has come to the forefront. I'm the type of person that thrives with plans & structures, and this year has really taught me that these are great things but not apart from God.  I did go to Colour which is the only thing planned that I was able to do LOL but to my despair & annoyance I cancelled my ticket for next year.  All the borders are still shut, and Covid cases continue to rise daily.  With this, forced rest which it definitely has been, I've learnt how to rest & slow down and really that most of what I was doing was needless & draining.  I've learnt to throw away the things (literal & metaphorical) and keep...

Embracing our uniqueness as I've observed in my years in not something society encourages us to do. We unconsciously are pulled towards things that call us to improve or change something about us, whether it's the latest pair of labelled shoes, a certain type of earring or the quickest weight loss fix.  Things that are disguised as things to improve ourselves, but really take away from the differences we have in us. Don't get me wrong I'm not completely anti any of these things.  It's all about intention & what's being gained from it by doing it.  Some people may get surgery on acne scarring or their teeth fixed because of a lack of confidence.  In these instances I can see the benefit.  However if there's not increase in confidence after these things this is where you may realise you've got a problem. If we're constantly striving, and wanting after things to improve ourselves not even to be a better more loving member of society but out of...

Ever been in a situation where you know that all the things that use to seem so good for you but weren't come for you?   Lately I've been considering my current status and what that implies to those around me & even myself.  30, no kids, single & living with my family.  Not exactly what most people would consider "made it" as.  I have had to learn to constantly break up with this mentality.  Most days I'm good cause I know I'm in God's purpose for me, but some days I see what my old self liked & the struggle can be real in those moments.  I in the last 6 weeks have met/encountered males that would've ticked all my boxes.  Attractive & working in jobs that serve the community. The almost instant response for me use to be like how do I get into their space? when will I see them again? but now it's different, really different.  I still have those tendencies it's just different now cause I've had to be intentional & p...

This past month I injured myself so gracefully at work. Little to my knowledge it was worse then what I thought.  I tend to get a sore neck every fortnight so thought it was the same thing.  Wake up the following Monday after the Thursday (I hurt it) and couldn't really move it.  The tingling then started in my arm, on the Tuesday & on my lips.  Was a fun experience especially cause I'm super dramatic naturally about things, but reluctantly decided to see the doctor.  The first doctor told me I couldn't do much & prescribed proper posture, and inflammatories. I wasn't super satisfied with this so I called Healthline.  This was because the tingling wouldn't subside (thought I was dying LOL).  Went to another doctor who diagnosed me with a shoulder & neck sprain, and referred me for physio.  I was happier with this. Went to physio & took inflammatories still no real relief from the pain.  I was frustrated with this, cause I ...

Today as people cry out questions rise from those seeking you.  Those that follow you too.  In the chaos, in the hurt we live in a fallen world where people look for an answer as much as they look for someone to blame.  We live in a fallen world.  Where not expressing your opinion is an offence as much as when you do.  We live in a fallen world.  Where people rise unified by cause unheard & angry, justifiably so.  We live in a fallen world.  Where we see the tension of what is & what we long for.  We live in a fallen world.  We see the pain, suffering & cries for peace.  We see those in power condemning those that make a stand.  We live in a fallen world.  We see churches rising to join in the stand for justice for the Black community.  We see churches lay silent that side with those wanting to keep the "peace".  We live in a fallen world.  We see a world hurting. We see our lives impacted by ...

How do I start? This week has been an interesting week, filled with hard conversations & a greater awareness of me.  Currently at church we are learning about Identity, it's solidified in God through Christ Jesus, but many times in my journey of faith & life we unknowingly tie it to external things. These external things could be school achievements, our family relationships, fitness/health goals, work goals, or even our serving in church.  Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with these things, they're great things to have.  How we use them to measure our self worth/value becomes the issue, they're tools not the end goal. In my 30 years of life, in the various season's I've tied my ID and value to all of these things.  As I've been able to reflect when I've done so it's only left me wanting more, or disillusioned with them.  I've been left feeling tired, and not enough when I haven't "measured up".   The lock ...

Its been ages. Like I can't even remember when I last posted.  Funny though cause we've been in the middle of a pandemic and have ample time but sensed it wasn't the right time to write. Seems like I have a conviction to do that today, I've been stubborn as in I've put off writing cause the season has been a challenging one in the wait.  I find it harder to write when I don't have "good content" to write on I chuckled at this.  Cause what is good content, the type that shows movement, speed & tangible outcomes?  cause thats what's preached from society. I'd say I've learnt that the opposite is actually true.  Good content is me showing my struggle & peace currently.  How the wait has turned into a daily battle of me not obsessing over if anythings happening, to exchanging this for Gods peace instead.  It's a challenge.  However.  I've learnt and continue to learn that the more I've leant in and been still, literall...