covid2020

 In August of 2020, only God could've known what this year was going to be like.

The whole world is in the middle of a pandemic, our schedules, goals, plans & holidays all put on hold as the race is on to create a vaccine.  In the midst of it, season's have changed, friendships have developed & what God intended it to be has come to the forefront.

I'm the type of person that thrives with plans & structures, and this year has really taught me that these are great things but not apart from God.  I did go to Colour which is the only thing planned that I was able to do LOL but to my despair & annoyance I cancelled my ticket for next year.  All the borders are still shut, and Covid cases continue to rise daily.  With this, forced rest which it definitely has been, I've learnt how to rest & slow down and really that most of what I was doing was needless & draining.  I've learnt to throw away the things (literal & metaphorical) and keep the things I need.  This has meant a major hoarding of items, but more so internal things & habits  that I was doing for the sake of doing.

This in all honestly hasn't been the nicest experience, I've cried, fought & crawled my way through this process.  I've felt alone, overwhelmed, tired & over it but as it becomes more normal for me, I've learnt to embrace it too.  I've also gotten back to the close space I use to have with God prior to the busyness overtaking this place.  I'm stronger cause I've remembered that without all the doing, and the being & receiving learnt that He literally loves me as I am, in all my imperfections.  I'm so grateful for this.

Covid has also reiterated to me the importance of prioritising my well being.  I've stopped putting so much crap into my body (but still do on the odd occasion in the week cause balance).  I've started taking vitamins daily, injured myself but in this process learnt about my boundaries & gotten stronger.  I have also taken steps to work through my healing which has also been heavy but helpful too.  

The space to breathe, reflect & pause has helped to limit my overthinking, unlearn so many things as well as how to learn how to lean & keep leaning into the authentic me God has created me to be.  This has meant making moves within work, family & church that the old me would've avoided, and never have done.  This has been small things daily, that have made the world of difference to the bigger picture and where I think God is taking me in my small time here.  

In the middle of all of this, there has been so much noise about the why behind what's happening.  I've had to wrestle with finding out what my actual convictions are about it all.  I've realised that again, it's the trusting & remembering that God is still in control of things even in all of the chaos.  I'm still learning, growing & becoming who I think God's called me to be, and as we near September I anticipate him continuing to do even more then what I've ever dreamt, imagined or conceived.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, numb or over it, take heart we are all doing the best that we can and learning that's all we actually have to do.

God loves you so BIG!

xoxo