Dying to self
How do I start?
This week has been an interesting week, filled with hard conversations & a greater awareness of me. Currently at church we are learning about Identity, it's solidified in God through Christ Jesus, but many times in my journey of faith & life we unknowingly tie it to external things.
These external things could be school achievements, our family relationships, fitness/health goals, work goals, or even our serving in church. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with these things, they're great things to have. How we use them to measure our self worth/value becomes the issue, they're tools not the end goal.
In my 30 years of life, in the various season's I've tied my ID and value to all of these things. As I've been able to reflect when I've done so it's only left me wanting more, or disillusioned with them. I've been left feeling tired, and not enough when I haven't "measured up". The lock down that we experienced because of the current pandemic has shaken this up, it's been a build up of things I think God has been working in and on me in these past 2 years. I now remember (thank you Holy spirit) that I got a word from a friend on my birthday 2 years ago that had to do with an eagle. I didn't understand it at the time, but this year at our youth camp got a similar word.
As I write this entry, this week has been internally a difficult one as I fight my flesh to keep a pure heart about church. I have to understand that even when I'm not agreeing with something/calls that are made, I need to push through my feelings & trust that God is with me and in it. I work in a field that supports the vulnerable so I'm always annoyed and strongly dislike when I see processes not serving who they're set for. It's more challenging when it happens in the context of church, cause I just wish/hope for better. I understand that as humans being broken we will encounter different views even inside the church. Its not an easy journey though, but who said it would be aye haha.
Literally feel like I'm carrying my cross, every time I choose to voice my concerns cause it's not always met in the most loving way. This is not a anti church post at all, I love my church, the church even in it's imperfections. I just don't like the interesting habits we develop when we're serving or leading and when they get in the way of helping others become like Jesus.
Beyond all of the rubbish, I know that God is working in me, through this fun season & really cementing my belief that my ID comes from Him and nothing else. Honouring him, living for Him is what is keeping me going in this season. Realising that if thats the only reason then thats all I need. In life in general its the same, grateful to God for developing in me a resilience that can only come from Him. I know that even when I feel misunderstood, and unheard a lot and can be seen as the "different" one in the group, I'm determined to keep doing what I'm doing cause God hasn't called us to look like everyone else. Refusing to be boxed in even by myself!
If you're in a similar season to me, or just feeling like living for God is really trying be encouraged you're not alone! God knows, sees, cares & is right in the midst of it!
God loves you so BIG!
xoxo
This week has been an interesting week, filled with hard conversations & a greater awareness of me. Currently at church we are learning about Identity, it's solidified in God through Christ Jesus, but many times in my journey of faith & life we unknowingly tie it to external things.
These external things could be school achievements, our family relationships, fitness/health goals, work goals, or even our serving in church. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with these things, they're great things to have. How we use them to measure our self worth/value becomes the issue, they're tools not the end goal.
In my 30 years of life, in the various season's I've tied my ID and value to all of these things. As I've been able to reflect when I've done so it's only left me wanting more, or disillusioned with them. I've been left feeling tired, and not enough when I haven't "measured up". The lock down that we experienced because of the current pandemic has shaken this up, it's been a build up of things I think God has been working in and on me in these past 2 years. I now remember (thank you Holy spirit) that I got a word from a friend on my birthday 2 years ago that had to do with an eagle. I didn't understand it at the time, but this year at our youth camp got a similar word.
As I write this entry, this week has been internally a difficult one as I fight my flesh to keep a pure heart about church. I have to understand that even when I'm not agreeing with something/calls that are made, I need to push through my feelings & trust that God is with me and in it. I work in a field that supports the vulnerable so I'm always annoyed and strongly dislike when I see processes not serving who they're set for. It's more challenging when it happens in the context of church, cause I just wish/hope for better. I understand that as humans being broken we will encounter different views even inside the church. Its not an easy journey though, but who said it would be aye haha.
Literally feel like I'm carrying my cross, every time I choose to voice my concerns cause it's not always met in the most loving way. This is not a anti church post at all, I love my church, the church even in it's imperfections. I just don't like the interesting habits we develop when we're serving or leading and when they get in the way of helping others become like Jesus.
Beyond all of the rubbish, I know that God is working in me, through this fun season & really cementing my belief that my ID comes from Him and nothing else. Honouring him, living for Him is what is keeping me going in this season. Realising that if thats the only reason then thats all I need. In life in general its the same, grateful to God for developing in me a resilience that can only come from Him. I know that even when I feel misunderstood, and unheard a lot and can be seen as the "different" one in the group, I'm determined to keep doing what I'm doing cause God hasn't called us to look like everyone else. Refusing to be boxed in even by myself!
If you're in a similar season to me, or just feeling like living for God is really trying be encouraged you're not alone! God knows, sees, cares & is right in the midst of it!
God loves you so BIG!
xoxo
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