I'm worth it and you're worth it too!!!
So this post is all about relationships, the romantic kind. I haven't written about this topic in awhile but I really feel challenged and ptl like I'm winning on this front now. Today was like pushing water up a hill with it though (I digress). So thankful that instead of being the girl that wore tight, low cut fitting clothes not for my gain but for the attention of others that God has truly shown me the gift that my body and intimacy are from Him and for my husband. I'll break it down.
In the past, I sought my value from whether or not I got the attention of male/s when I would go out. I was that girl in the middle of the dance floor very drunk trying to pull those "I'm so HOT" look at me dance moves, to try and get the guy I was eyeing out on the other side of the room to approach me. I lie, actually it was any of the guys I deemed hot around me to approach me, I didn't care who did as long as one of them did. Writing that makes me squirm cause I was settling and degraded myself in so many ways just for a few moments of attention to my flesh. Looking back makes me sad & disappointed because my standards were so low (I say all of this with no judgment at all because we're all on a journey in our faith) I however would not be the person I was now having learning the lesson's I have from those mistakes today. (sidenote: I'm not condoning this behavior either lol). In a nutshell my 19-21 year old self was open to any guy that would have her if he was good-looking and good-looking. I didn't bother with small talk sometimes cause it was a waste of time to me after wasting time on getting to know guys in the past and being hurt. I believed who I couldn't see now BUT I see clearly now the enemys lie that this was all I was worth. That my body was all a guy wanted and dressing it up in the best way possible to get the first taker was all that I was worth. So I gave it up to a lot of guys, which I deeply regret, and I thank God for showing me my true value in Jesus and regardless of this dark past, He still loves me despite it and He's helping me to heal from it and thankfully I'm made clean by Jesus on that cross.
It's still a struggle though, I've carried a lot of these lies into my life as a Christian and hasn't been until recently that I've finally stopped being stubborn and stopped pursuing guys. It's taken ages because I'd say I didn't actually realize how precious the gift our bodies and desires that intimacy are God given for our husbands one day. I thank God that He's renewed my mind on this topic and I'm no longer just settling for guys on the basis of who's available, but instead I'm choosing to fight to wait. I say fight because I know it's going to be hard as I get older and things pop up that could be potential weapons in this battle, like they have always been or new weapons come about because of new stronger faith in God. Waiting isn't easy especially when everyone else I know (mostly) my age is getting married or starting families, however what I've learnt and continue to learn is that I can't base my life off of someone else's life because when I get to Heaven God's not going to ask me how they did, but how I did. I did NOT them!. So I will wait, regardless of how long it is, I know God is fully capable of building the husband I need to accomplish His will here on Earth. I will fuss at God, I will cry, I will get frustrated and angry at God and all the other couples but the beauty of it is knowing that God still loves me despite all of it. He's so faithful and loving and the same goes for anyone reading this post too. If you know God or not, know that He loves you and regardless of your past, present or future mistakes He won't pull His love away from you. He continues to help me change and if He can do it for me, then He can do it for me.
I thank God that although I may not be entirely where God wants me to be, I'm not where I use to be.
LOVE!
In the past, I sought my value from whether or not I got the attention of male/s when I would go out. I was that girl in the middle of the dance floor very drunk trying to pull those "I'm so HOT" look at me dance moves, to try and get the guy I was eyeing out on the other side of the room to approach me. I lie, actually it was any of the guys I deemed hot around me to approach me, I didn't care who did as long as one of them did. Writing that makes me squirm cause I was settling and degraded myself in so many ways just for a few moments of attention to my flesh. Looking back makes me sad & disappointed because my standards were so low (I say all of this with no judgment at all because we're all on a journey in our faith) I however would not be the person I was now having learning the lesson's I have from those mistakes today. (sidenote: I'm not condoning this behavior either lol). In a nutshell my 19-21 year old self was open to any guy that would have her if he was good-looking and good-looking. I didn't bother with small talk sometimes cause it was a waste of time to me after wasting time on getting to know guys in the past and being hurt. I believed who I couldn't see now BUT I see clearly now the enemys lie that this was all I was worth. That my body was all a guy wanted and dressing it up in the best way possible to get the first taker was all that I was worth. So I gave it up to a lot of guys, which I deeply regret, and I thank God for showing me my true value in Jesus and regardless of this dark past, He still loves me despite it and He's helping me to heal from it and thankfully I'm made clean by Jesus on that cross.
It's still a struggle though, I've carried a lot of these lies into my life as a Christian and hasn't been until recently that I've finally stopped being stubborn and stopped pursuing guys. It's taken ages because I'd say I didn't actually realize how precious the gift our bodies and desires that intimacy are God given for our husbands one day. I thank God that He's renewed my mind on this topic and I'm no longer just settling for guys on the basis of who's available, but instead I'm choosing to fight to wait. I say fight because I know it's going to be hard as I get older and things pop up that could be potential weapons in this battle, like they have always been or new weapons come about because of new stronger faith in God. Waiting isn't easy especially when everyone else I know (mostly) my age is getting married or starting families, however what I've learnt and continue to learn is that I can't base my life off of someone else's life because when I get to Heaven God's not going to ask me how they did, but how I did. I did NOT them!. So I will wait, regardless of how long it is, I know God is fully capable of building the husband I need to accomplish His will here on Earth. I will fuss at God, I will cry, I will get frustrated and angry at God and all the other couples but the beauty of it is knowing that God still loves me despite all of it. He's so faithful and loving and the same goes for anyone reading this post too. If you know God or not, know that He loves you and regardless of your past, present or future mistakes He won't pull His love away from you. He continues to help me change and if He can do it for me, then He can do it for me.
I thank God that although I may not be entirely where God wants me to be, I'm not where I use to be.
LOVE!
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