awkwardisoverrated

So have felt like I've had the busiest last few months ever.   After mum left had a break then was back to helping out with our young adults ministry at church since we decided on our faith goal of 100 people going to retreat its been really busy.  I've felt so angry, frustrated, tired, annoyed (still am now) at the amount of work that's been happening but no one seems to listen to me.  It's frustrating but I know when I step back the 100 people we take represent the 100 potential God encounters that can take place at our retreat.  When I'm tired, and alone and only doing it with a few faithful people and it's getting too much I get reminded of the verse in Galatians 6:9-10 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10 So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.  I'm not going to have this opportunity forever, seasons will ch...

Last night during quiet time I really felt like the Holy Spirit made me realize the value of God's love for me during the worship song of like incense.  I've always known that God loves me, but I really felt God's presence show me this love through it, and it's stuck with me for most of the day today.  As you can tell this season's so full on.  I'm more appreciative of the time that I just get to sit, sometimes  I do struggle to just sit and do nothing but I know its for my benefit.  So this revelation of love, came fully to me after just feeling tired and overwhelmed by everything retreat.  The good thing about it is that I'm learning that its not my strength but by His spirit could feel His love for me last night and just felt so thankful for everything He's done so far for me and my family.  I've been stressed, worried and anxious and felt so good just resting in Him. Could really feel God's presence last night in the quiet.  Really realize ...

Lately I've been entrusted to look after our committee fundraising and looking after the logistics for our campus's young adults retreat next year.  It's been a ride so far and only after a month I've realized things inside of me that God is working on and pruning through the work in it.  In the past I've always been able to be in the background, do my bit and contribute this way.  However I'm in new water now, having to talk about openly problems and encouraging solutions to be created.  Tonight it didn't all come apart but I realized that I do wing things quite a bit on the security that someone will pick me up.  I don't have that comfort in this.  I'm really having to depend on God and others who are relying on me to make calls.  I've realized I'm very double minded and I second guess myself a lot.  I am realizing that a lot of it is stemming from making sure everyone's being heard and aren't being hurt.  I've failed a lot in...

This morning I was woken up early on my day off.  It was annoying in the moment and felt like a zombie driving to the supermarket with my sister.  I really realized after having my fit in my head that my life's not about myself.  As much as I would've enjoyed sleeping in, today just wasn't the day for it as God planned.  It's not like I was getting up early for the sake of early of it I was actually needed.  Then I got this thought that the days we have, our life is what we make it.  We ultimately choose our attitudes for the day and our lives, our job is to simply make the most of what's in our hands and what we're given.  I could've continued sooking in my room trying to squeeze more rest into my morning when I came back, but it's like God didn't want me to after my niece was yelling at the top of her lungs, tapping and crying for attention.  Her mum was on the way out of the door for practicum and her dad has just gotten home from work.  I...

This week actually the last few weeks have been really full on.  Like I feel like someone or something needs my attention constantly and I'm feeling like I'm drowning sometimes.  I know its in this time that God is fully the one carrying me and urging me to continue in the way that I'm going.  Although I have felt these last few days and have relished being on my own.  I appreciate the quiet a lot more.  As much as I love people it can be really tiring at times and recharging for me means lying in my room on my phone or blogging.  Or reading.  Whichever requires the least effort I guess.  I really shouldn't complain cause I know so many others in this world are way less fortunate than I am and on the other hand have quite a bit and are even more stretched then me.  I'm realizing the older that I get as time goes on demands increase and its scary, overwhelming and hard to navigate at times I just feel like lying in bed hoping they will all jus...

So I sit here on a Saturday night alone after being invited out with my siblings to a movie.  I was meant to go home but didn't and then got asked if I wanted to go to the movies with a friend but said no cause I had plans with Dad.  LOL after all of this I end up being here by myself.  I was being a sookie to myself about it earlier on cause in times like this I can't help but want a boyfriend, but then I think God really challenged me by saying to think about all the things I can do without one.  Hahaha yes I've been wanting to compile a list of all the things I can do without a relationship and can only do without one.  There's a lot the obvious spending money, time and energy on only myself.  Yes selfishness is okay because I don't have anyone to invest in right now which will be the only time I'll be able to be like this.  Eventually when I get into a relationship, and hopefully have a family on my own I just won't get night's like this anymore....

So today marks the 6 month since my mum left us.  6 months on and we are slowly putting our lives back together after our glue left.  It hasn't been the easiest if anything its been the hardest time of all of our lives but I honestly thank God that here on Earth isn't the end.  Like obviously I miss my mum soo much time hasn't made the ache any less or slowed down the tears I've just learned to deal with these as it's gone on.  I credit God for getting me and my family through what would say is straight out of the movies.  I never thought I'd be one of the girls that didn't have her mum at the age of 25 what gives me reassurance is the fact that God knew that my family and I would be.  Not to say that God allowed us to go through the pain that we're facing on purpose He's flipped the script on the enemy and made it turn out for good.  The fact that we can get up every morning and keep going is all credit to Him, every time the girls and Marcus pass a...