awkwardisoverrated

Ever feel like you've just signed yourself up for too much? This is me currently, I'm questioning my motives for a lot of what I do.  Lately I've developed somewhat of a rebellious, sassy spirit.  I don't know if this is just me becoming who I actually am or a result of not voicing what I've wanted.  I think it's a bit of both. Currently I'm just feeling overwhelmed.  Works great, my family is good life on paper is good, but there's something inside of me that I can't verbalise.  There's just a lot of feelings that I'm feeling so it's really hard to pinpoint.  I wouldn't say I was depressed, but more so just not myself, and I'm in a spot where I can't really talk to anyone about it. I want to cry, most times I don't.  Most times I find myself just longing, longing for this season to be over, longing for it to stop being so difficult, just longing.  It's not that I'm discontent, I'm just really tired of be...

It's been waaaaay too long since I last posted, it's been a crazy year! Doing this on my break so it's going to be a hard and fast one! May of this year I moved churches cause I felt like I lacked community.  Being in a church where I had been for 9 years needed a change, it was also because I stepped out of leadership and got lost in doing so.  Yes I could've been more intentional about getting into a regional group, but I guess there were faults on both sides with this change.  Nevertheless I'm at another church where I've got a good community around me and I don't just feel like another face in the crowd. I also am now working full time at my job yay!!!!!!, it's long today cause it's summer so everyone else is on annual leave.  Not that I'm complaining about the slowness of it, cause anticipate a busy, busy year next year :).  I've got some new friends, broke up with my best friend (ha I laugh cause it actually has felt like it) but lea...

Ever feel like you're where you're meant to be just still feeling wanting??? I'm here at this point in my life...frustrated at the fact that I'm basically doing my dream job, but still not doing what I want to do. I work in support work in family violence and I really do love my job but I'm really frustrated with the politics that get in the way of doing great work.  If I were to pick one word to describe work it would be frustrated.  Frustrated with the system and frustrated with the people within it. At the core of why I do what I do, is for people.  Making real differences in the community that don't just impact the individual, but the generations to come.  I get so excited when you see clients making good change because you know it's not just impacting them, but their loved ones too.  I really believe that God has positioned me here for a reason, and I'm looking for an easy way out.  If I'm being completely honest, I've made it about me....

Ever had that feeling when you feel like the breath has been knocked out of you but nothing's actually hit you? metaphorically it has but you know that feeling that leaves you with regret, remorse and regret.  There's a reason that word's there twice. I did it again, I idolised the thought of a relationship, I idolised an outcome.  I lost my hope because I put my hope in a situation changing.  It hit me like a wave that smashes everything in sight, and when you're trying to come up for air it goes and hit's you again.  I low key cried about it a little just cause I'm over being directed by this thing that I have yet to conquer.  Not because I realised I couldn't keep hoping things would change but because I feel defeated by this test again.  I laughed about it too because obviously because I know that this is small compared to what's to come.  It will help develop and grow me, and it will help me keep me from returning to this idol. I know that its...

It's been so long since I last posted.  Life has changed massively and with all it's mountain top moments and challenges God keeps turning up. I felt the need to reflect on my life because currently am walking through one of the hardest things in my life.  My emotion and family drama have recently caused me to lose sight of God in the bigger picture.  On Sunday heard a message about living with contrast.  Which basically taught on how we live with the good stuff of God while simultaneously living with the hard stuff too.  I started my christian walk having the misconception that things were going to get entirely easy when I did.  I was so wrong.  Have been from those years ago to now.  Life hasn't been a walk in the park if anything the challenges of life have kept coming at me.  How it would be great if we could all just do life doing and dealing with good stuff only.  That's not the way God works though. Time after time, life has b...

Hey so haven't posted in so long! last one was July its been so hectic but alas I am back! So the years almost done, and it has been crazy this year has been filled with so many ups a few downs but for the most part it's been so good! This year I got blessed with 2 nephews they are so beautiful! Love them to bits, said goodbye to our family cat which was so sad and also a friend who left overseas to study.  Obviously that's the short version of it,theres been so many other things that have gone on that have fully changed & challenged me!  I got a new job praise God! part time but I do love it and praying that the hours increase next year! I changed roles at work went from being stock to back on the floor and that has brought its challenges with it.  In terms of church, had a change of leadership in our young adults ministry and was so challenged by it, pride got tested and was on the verge of wanting to quit.  Nevertheless I got over myself and have actually se...

So the last 2 weeks I have been on break from work.  It's been soooo good! didn't know how much I needed it until I had it.  Back to work next week, and I wanted to write about more on Rest, we're doing it in church and I think with the busy and full lives we lead, we need to do it more often.  I'm so guilty of overloading myself with stuff for Loud and sometimes family, thinking that if I wasn't doing something, I was not being productive. If anything I've learned from this break and our pastor's message on Sunday, is that we need to follow God's guidelines of living and one of them that we all too often leave out is rest.  When God created the world He did everything He needed to within the first 6 days of creation, then rested from His work on the 7th.  If God needed a rest, who are we little humans to think that we need to not do it.  I use to feel guilty for not doing anything, but now I've learned that I'm going to be more productive in 6...