A night in alone
So I sit here on a Saturday night alone after being invited out with my siblings to a movie. I was meant to go home but didn't and then got asked if I wanted to go to the movies with a friend but said no cause I had plans with Dad. LOL after all of this I end up being here by myself. I was being a sookie to myself about it earlier on cause in times like this I can't help but want a boyfriend, but then I think God really challenged me by saying to think about all the things I can do without one. Hahaha yes I've been wanting to compile a list of all the things I can do without a relationship and can only do without one. There's a lot the obvious spending money, time and energy on only myself. Yes selfishness is okay because I don't have anyone to invest in right now which will be the only time I'll be able to be like this. Eventually when I get into a relationship, and hopefully have a family on my own I just won't get night's like this anymore. So I'm going to appreciate it, yeah I wish I had a bf that I could text to bring me food and hug me on the couch watching tv or laugh at my dry as jokes. However it would seem that God has other plans for me right now and I'm learning to live in this season God's given me. It's not easy like tonight fighting my flesh and the enemy's lies that it's always going to be like this and that nobody loves me. However I choose to stand on the truth that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made knowing that God doesn't withhold anything from those who walk uprightly. So onto that list! I digress you know how I am!
1)Sit in the quiet without having to turn my phone off and just listen to silence (I'm appreciating it more with my noisy family and working in retail).
2)Having 2 pies, eating sweets and not having to put myself together because I just can't be bothered because I have no one right now to look desirable for!!! LOL I'm starting to eat healthily next week cause I know my sweet tooth is causing me to break out.
3)Have no one to answer to or worry about besides my loved ones. Like not having to constantly check my phone to see where or what time someone is going to be somewhere or home.
4)I can listen to as much music television without annoying anyone (my family find this irritating so I know my future partner will probably too, if not then all I can say is wow, just wow)
5)I can shop for myself and just me when I'm out (food or clothes) I don't have to think about buying for the other half, which is cool cause I love food and knowing that I have to share money to spend on food with someone else for the rest of my life is going to be hard.
6)I can stay in my pyjamas smelling with ugly as hair all day without fearing I'm going to put off that person cause duh there is no one to repel haha
7) I can save or spend my money the way I want to
8) I can write, write and write as much as I want to without fear this is getting in the way of my attention to that future spouse
9)I can travel if I want to
10)I can spend time with my friends and guy friends without making anyone feel like I'm neglecting them
11)I don't have to worry about breakouts, feeling fat days or bad hair days putting him off (I may have written this already but appearance and how I present myself I imagine would be important..aint nobody to have time to worry about that right now)
12)I can serve God as much as I want to (without getting burnt out) without annoying or having to re-negotiate stuff because of the cares of my spouse.
13)I can compliment guys and look and admire God's work without offending anyone
14)I can sing real loudly and badly playing my music whatever I want without it irritating anyone
15)I can read, read and read without fear that this time isn't taken away from my relationship
16)I can do nothing or something on weekend nights that I don't already have plans (freedom to choose where I spend my time and energy)
17)I have time to devote to all my other relationships
18)I can get away with smelling bad without offending anyone (besides my loved ones or people that I choose to tell myself)
19)I can write and dream as much as I can without the restriction of a person next to me
20)I can watch movies (rom-coms) that I've already seen over and over again
21)I can talk and write as much as I want about my experiences and stuff ups til my face is blue and no one's going to tell me I talk about me too much
Ultimately this list when writing it and reading some of it, it's really selfish a lot of it. But I know if there's a time to make the most of it it's right now when I don't have the responsibility yet for someones heart and life in my hand. I'm going to make the most of this time to obviously do everything on this list but I'm also going to use my single season to become more like Jesus and becoming the best wife I can be for my future husband. I'll be over my selfish years by the time God brings that relationship about and fully ready to commit myself wholeheartedly to whomever that relationship is to be with. I'm determined to be faithful when that season is here, but for now I'm going to fully own where I'm at. I actually think I needed to write this list cause I was feeling a bit lonely and wanted to put my slow slit your wrists music on however if anything writing this list has definitely shown me the silver lining(s) in my single season. and I definitely encourage you to write your own if you're feeling down in the dumps like I was earlier this evening it provides perspective!! Thanks for reading whoever does.
xox
1)Sit in the quiet without having to turn my phone off and just listen to silence (I'm appreciating it more with my noisy family and working in retail).
2)Having 2 pies, eating sweets and not having to put myself together because I just can't be bothered because I have no one right now to look desirable for!!! LOL I'm starting to eat healthily next week cause I know my sweet tooth is causing me to break out.
3)Have no one to answer to or worry about besides my loved ones. Like not having to constantly check my phone to see where or what time someone is going to be somewhere or home.
4)I can listen to as much music television without annoying anyone (my family find this irritating so I know my future partner will probably too, if not then all I can say is wow, just wow)
5)I can shop for myself and just me when I'm out (food or clothes) I don't have to think about buying for the other half, which is cool cause I love food and knowing that I have to share money to spend on food with someone else for the rest of my life is going to be hard.
6)I can stay in my pyjamas smelling with ugly as hair all day without fearing I'm going to put off that person cause duh there is no one to repel haha
7) I can save or spend my money the way I want to
8) I can write, write and write as much as I want to without fear this is getting in the way of my attention to that future spouse
9)I can travel if I want to
10)I can spend time with my friends and guy friends without making anyone feel like I'm neglecting them
11)I don't have to worry about breakouts, feeling fat days or bad hair days putting him off (I may have written this already but appearance and how I present myself I imagine would be important..aint nobody to have time to worry about that right now)
12)I can serve God as much as I want to (without getting burnt out) without annoying or having to re-negotiate stuff because of the cares of my spouse.
13)I can compliment guys and look and admire God's work without offending anyone
14)I can sing real loudly and badly playing my music whatever I want without it irritating anyone
15)I can read, read and read without fear that this time isn't taken away from my relationship
16)I can do nothing or something on weekend nights that I don't already have plans (freedom to choose where I spend my time and energy)
17)I have time to devote to all my other relationships
18)I can get away with smelling bad without offending anyone (besides my loved ones or people that I choose to tell myself)
19)I can write and dream as much as I can without the restriction of a person next to me
20)I can watch movies (rom-coms) that I've already seen over and over again
21)I can talk and write as much as I want about my experiences and stuff ups til my face is blue and no one's going to tell me I talk about me too much
Ultimately this list when writing it and reading some of it, it's really selfish a lot of it. But I know if there's a time to make the most of it it's right now when I don't have the responsibility yet for someones heart and life in my hand. I'm going to make the most of this time to obviously do everything on this list but I'm also going to use my single season to become more like Jesus and becoming the best wife I can be for my future husband. I'll be over my selfish years by the time God brings that relationship about and fully ready to commit myself wholeheartedly to whomever that relationship is to be with. I'm determined to be faithful when that season is here, but for now I'm going to fully own where I'm at. I actually think I needed to write this list cause I was feeling a bit lonely and wanted to put my slow slit your wrists music on however if anything writing this list has definitely shown me the silver lining(s) in my single season. and I definitely encourage you to write your own if you're feeling down in the dumps like I was earlier this evening it provides perspective!! Thanks for reading whoever does.
xox
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