Letting go

This weekend was good, like really good with my family.  Work was fun and good too, it's like nothing can all be going right at the same time.  It sucks not that I was looking for something to go wrong but for the most part life's not perfect this is why I have Jesus.  When I think about it, I have to force myself to not get upset, I'm not angry or annoyed by anyone but myself.  I tried, and seemed to have failed again, times like this I just want my mum.  I just want her here reassuring me that everything's not as bad as it seems and that there's plenty of fish in the sea like she used to say.  I remember before she left she told me that she knew someone would come along for me in due time it just hasn't happened yet.  I wish it had but it hasn't and it sucks, not that I'm complaining, much, but sometimes when Tori Kelly sings most of her songs she's speaking about my life.  LOL all in my head would have to be my life right now as well as Dear No one.  I feel like its like I go round and round and round on the same journey and I need God constantly to remind me that as much as I don't feel like I'm lovable, desirable or wanted that I'm all three and more by Him.  As angry as I was tonight I fight my feelings and my need for an answer.  I know that God's working all things together for my good, not some, ALL.  This could be the answer that I needed but just wasn't looking for, and remaining in my emotions and feelings aren't going to benefit anyone especially myself.  I know that God's bigger than my need for a man, marriage and babies and that His plan for my life is far beyond what I could even imagine.  As difficult as it is to be in situations that could be very awkward, God has shown me that life needs to go on.  I can't remain in my anger, disappointment or jealousy or sadness.  I have to move on from them cause there's a war that's waging and if anything this speed bump is a distraction that seems massive right now but will be teeny as time goes on and I'm going to laugh at this.  I just have to keep my eyes on the truth, that God's promise's are true for my life despite circumstance and how I feel.  When I think about it these feelings will dissipate and I will move on like I always do being led by my God who never leaves me even in the dumb as decisions that I make.  Day by day, situation by situation, conversation by conversation God will lead me like He always does, I was a fail tonight but praise God for grace! I can learn from it and keep moving forward knowing that He's got me in the palm of His hands working my life out.  I'm on a constant journey of letting go of my feelings, the need for an answer and my perspective choosing to keep pressing on.  God is good and faithful and He doesn't stop being God when we mess up if anything He's made bigger cause I really realize my need for Him.  

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