Boys, boys, boys

Ever been in a situation where you know that all the things that use to seem so good for you but weren't come for you?  

Lately I've been considering my current status and what that implies to those around me & even myself.  30, no kids, single & living with my family.  Not exactly what most people would consider "made it" as.  I have had to learn to constantly break up with this mentality.  Most days I'm good cause I know I'm in God's purpose for me, but some days I see what my old self liked & the struggle can be real in those moments.  I in the last 6 weeks have met/encountered males that would've ticked all my boxes.  Attractive & working in jobs that serve the community.

The almost instant response for me use to be like how do I get into their space? when will I see them again? but now it's different, really different.  I still have those tendencies it's just different now cause I've had to be intentional & prepared to not engage in those habits anymore.  One would ask but why you're like super single & so why aren't you putting yourself out there?  My answer would be, as cliche as it sounds to most, I'm waiting for the best God's got for me.

A person who fears the Lord, has integrity, and has a heart after God.  I want this, not a watered down version to satisfy my flesh.  When I consider the wait & how long it's been I often feel like giving up & resigning to a life with cats (hahaha not cats but a life alone).  I see God's goodness & faithfulness remind me in my daily and not daily moments to not.  

The desire to rush ahead & settle just cause its what society tells me I should use to be the life I wanted.  This new grown Kerri who wants more than just any old man who is pretty & can hold a decent conversation.  I want what God wants for me in EVERYTHING I do.  This may look stupid to most of my loved ones & the world but I'm okay with that.  I'm trusting & waiting on God to keep moving within this, cause I know He is.

God loves you CRAZY!!!

xox

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