when all you can be is still
I have had the fullest week and am exhausted. In all honesty I did over do it last week but it was an abnormal week as a close friend is leaving the country so we had stuff on plus loud stuff to during the week. I tried to get a full nights sleep on Wednesday night and thought it was enough, but by the time Sunday rolled around I was a mess.
I felt like all my tanks were empty and had the shortest fuse with mostly everyone yesterday. I cried and acted like a toddler because I felt like I had given everything and had nothing else to give to anyone. To be completely honest I think I was also feeling overwhelmed with pastoral stuff with some of our girls, so after a long vent and prayer with some of my friends/leaders made the decision to press through the night knowing I could collapse into my bed in a few hours.
I left as soon as I could and once I got home I showered, changed and hung out with my family a bit, then retired to my room. I chucked on worship music, lay in bed and attempted to read my bible, at first it felt like a task but as I listened to my music I could feel myself falling to sleep. I didn't want to sleep because I knew I actually wanted to put all my burdens on him and sleep in peace so I not having the energy to pray out loud I prayed in my head. Giving Him all of it I wanted to get back to the reason of why I do what I do so I started reading Exodus 14 after seeing a pic of a verse I saw in my phone. It said that in Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be still" I felt so encouraged after reading it because in all my striving to do everything in terms of doing stuff for everyone else I fully felt like I had come to the end of myself. This was apparent especially in my efforts to support one of my girls, feeling like I have given and said everything I needed to without any result.
After reading this chapter, as well as hearing the message that morning that encouraged me to keep doing what I had been doing with my girls I know that regardless of all my striving God is the one that's in charge and my only responsibility was to Be still knowing that He's fighting for me. I also realized that I need to apply this in the rest of my life too, simply being still was going to be hard for me today was a test. However it's what's needed to get me to where I need to be and everyone else too. God has got me and is the one who's always fighting on behalf of me.
God loves you BIG!
xox
I felt like all my tanks were empty and had the shortest fuse with mostly everyone yesterday. I cried and acted like a toddler because I felt like I had given everything and had nothing else to give to anyone. To be completely honest I think I was also feeling overwhelmed with pastoral stuff with some of our girls, so after a long vent and prayer with some of my friends/leaders made the decision to press through the night knowing I could collapse into my bed in a few hours.
I left as soon as I could and once I got home I showered, changed and hung out with my family a bit, then retired to my room. I chucked on worship music, lay in bed and attempted to read my bible, at first it felt like a task but as I listened to my music I could feel myself falling to sleep. I didn't want to sleep because I knew I actually wanted to put all my burdens on him and sleep in peace so I not having the energy to pray out loud I prayed in my head. Giving Him all of it I wanted to get back to the reason of why I do what I do so I started reading Exodus 14 after seeing a pic of a verse I saw in my phone. It said that in Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be still" I felt so encouraged after reading it because in all my striving to do everything in terms of doing stuff for everyone else I fully felt like I had come to the end of myself. This was apparent especially in my efforts to support one of my girls, feeling like I have given and said everything I needed to without any result.
After reading this chapter, as well as hearing the message that morning that encouraged me to keep doing what I had been doing with my girls I know that regardless of all my striving God is the one that's in charge and my only responsibility was to Be still knowing that He's fighting for me. I also realized that I need to apply this in the rest of my life too, simply being still was going to be hard for me today was a test. However it's what's needed to get me to where I need to be and everyone else too. God has got me and is the one who's always fighting on behalf of me.
God loves you BIG!
xox
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