Miss you mum
As I sit here I think about my mum.
It's drawing closer to a year without her on Sunday will mark the year since she left us to be home. I say home because even though I miss her everyday and how much I just want to hear her voice and hug her doesn't get any less with time. I know where she's where she's meant to be, and I am too. The pain of her not being here is felt everyday and I cover mine with busyness, I am that person that has way too much to do and still wants to do more. I've been guilty of coping with distracting myself with church stuff and family stuff.
It doesn't help though, it's a temporary remedy, the only permanent one is Jesus and His whispers through the Holy Spirit a lot of people will look at my story and be like if God is almighty and powerful why isn't your mum here anymore? I struggled with this when she was still here and on her way to leaving, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for healing. I didn't get the answer I wanted but at the same time I think I did, because she did get healed, she is healed. She may not be here anymore but she's in Heaven and is where she is meant to be. She's out of pain, and suffering. I had to process all of my questions and disappointment about mum leaving when I know that God could've kept her here.
My ways aren't like God's though, I focus on the now and temporal whereas He has eternity in mind when He does things. The pain I feel isn't going to last, I miss her everyday I'd be lying if I said otherwise but that doesn't make me say I'd want her to come back because she's where she belongs. When I strip it all back, I know God's plans and purposes are way bigger and higher than my own. Yes I wish I could hug my mum, I wish I could hear her voice, I wish I could hear her out of tune singing, I wish I could hear her nervous cough or fight with me about channel flipping in the lounge. I miss her coffees, her hugs, her love and her ability to persevere through the hardest of times. I miss her strength because she's the strongest woman I have known, and I think will ever know.
It's coming to a year, and even though it's going to be depressing waking up on Sunday morning without her knowing she's been gone for a year, I hold onto the hope that God has the full picture in mind when He does things and I will see my mum again. It's not a maybe, it's a certainty! Just got to find her when I get there, I'm sure Jesus will show me if I ask. Holding onto the one that is and will continue to be in control!
God loves you BIG
It's drawing closer to a year without her on Sunday will mark the year since she left us to be home. I say home because even though I miss her everyday and how much I just want to hear her voice and hug her doesn't get any less with time. I know where she's where she's meant to be, and I am too. The pain of her not being here is felt everyday and I cover mine with busyness, I am that person that has way too much to do and still wants to do more. I've been guilty of coping with distracting myself with church stuff and family stuff.
It doesn't help though, it's a temporary remedy, the only permanent one is Jesus and His whispers through the Holy Spirit a lot of people will look at my story and be like if God is almighty and powerful why isn't your mum here anymore? I struggled with this when she was still here and on her way to leaving, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for healing. I didn't get the answer I wanted but at the same time I think I did, because she did get healed, she is healed. She may not be here anymore but she's in Heaven and is where she is meant to be. She's out of pain, and suffering. I had to process all of my questions and disappointment about mum leaving when I know that God could've kept her here.
My ways aren't like God's though, I focus on the now and temporal whereas He has eternity in mind when He does things. The pain I feel isn't going to last, I miss her everyday I'd be lying if I said otherwise but that doesn't make me say I'd want her to come back because she's where she belongs. When I strip it all back, I know God's plans and purposes are way bigger and higher than my own. Yes I wish I could hug my mum, I wish I could hear her voice, I wish I could hear her out of tune singing, I wish I could hear her nervous cough or fight with me about channel flipping in the lounge. I miss her coffees, her hugs, her love and her ability to persevere through the hardest of times. I miss her strength because she's the strongest woman I have known, and I think will ever know.
It's coming to a year, and even though it's going to be depressing waking up on Sunday morning without her knowing she's been gone for a year, I hold onto the hope that God has the full picture in mind when He does things and I will see my mum again. It's not a maybe, it's a certainty! Just got to find her when I get there, I'm sure Jesus will show me if I ask. Holding onto the one that is and will continue to be in control!
God loves you BIG
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