Staying the path

Ever feel like you've just signed yourself up for too much?

This is me currently, I'm questioning my motives for a lot of what I do.  Lately I've developed somewhat of a rebellious, sassy spirit.  I don't know if this is just me becoming who I actually am or a result of not voicing what I've wanted.  I think it's a bit of both.

Currently I'm just feeling overwhelmed.  Works great, my family is good life on paper is good, but there's something inside of me that I can't verbalise.  There's just a lot of feelings that I'm feeling so it's really hard to pinpoint.  I wouldn't say I was depressed, but more so just not myself, and I'm in a spot where I can't really talk to anyone about it.

I want to cry, most times I don't.  Most times I find myself just longing, longing for this season to be over, longing for it to stop being so difficult, just longing.  It's not that I'm discontent, I'm just really tired of being in a season where I seem to be working my butt off but not much seems to be changing.

I'm tired of being tired, I know I live a really blessed life.  The struggle is real though cause I'm in a season where I find myself questioning who and what I actually want out of this life.  I want to help others, I want to be authentically myself, I want to be able to enjoy what seems to be a faraway dream.

I know eternally that God's not like the world and even though stuff tangibly to me is not shifting quick enough.  I know that he's working constantly on my behalf.  I guess I'm just really frustrated with things not changing quickly enough for me.  Our family are growing again, and I'm excited, but also it's bittersweet for me cause as little as I admit I do want a family of my own.  I can't compare my race to their's cause we're all unique in our paces/purposes I guess it's just difficult when I'm right in the midst of it.

Love as well, is frustrating.  I know God keeps his promises, & I'm at this weird point in my life, where I can potentially see the fruition of it, it's really close but far at the same time so extra frustrating is an understatement at best.

I know that this season and my longings aren't forever and at the end of the day it's going to blow my mind when I see the fruition of His promises for me.  I came to vent and in a sense not feel so alone in my struggle.  So if you're in a similar season to me where the struggle is really real, stay faithful cause God always comes through.

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