Wrecked by my impending need to develop humility

My intention for this post was to rant on about the competition I have with myself and sometimes others that I engage in.  However we'll leave that for another time.  Instead I'm going to talk about being humbled by God.

The last few months have been so full on.  With stuff happening at church and in my family I constantly feel like I'm on the go.  Last night I got convicted about the Holy Spirit about the motives behind why I do what I do.  I realized how prideful I have been subtly wanting the credit for things that really is meant to be for God. I always wanted to one up others and be seen as the one doing all the work.  It was so bad, I did a lot of things to make myself look good, whatever it was I had to look like I was good never seen wrong by anyone.  It's caused me to be in a constant battle with myself because when I left those people and places I would question conversations and was attacked with my own insecurity.  Praise God that now I'm awake and aware of the wrong in this behavior.  Humbled by a message I heard by Christine Caine, I'm on a journey of humility.  Instead of wanting to talk, I'm going to listen, instead of wanting the credit, I'm going to learn how to become okay with being in the background.  Not that there's anything wrong with being at the front it's just if God doesn't want me to be in the front and pride is going to trip me up there then it's better for me to develop in the back with God. 

Obviously He's in the front too, but I have to learn to not try and force myself there if God doesn't want me there.  I'm called to spur on others in only a way that I can, putting the needs of others ahead of my own.  I heard a Pastor say that you will never come last by putting others first and for too long I've believed the lie that I will.  On the flipside the complete opposite is true, I haven't felt more alive than I have when I have put others ahead of myself.  Yes it's tiring, yes it's a stretch but I honestly feel like it's exactly where God wants me and that He will grace me with everything I need to keep doing it.  However in being wrecked by God and seeing the need to develop humility, I won't be pointing out the wrongs in others to make me look better, I won't announce it to the world what I've done or where I serve at church.  Instead I will quietly do it.  As long as He sees it and my heart behind it it's all that matters.

Determined to change!

Kerri

God loves you BIG!

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