getting exposed with God
So it's been the last month that God has been really taking me on a journey of healing and grieving the loss of my mum. I thank God for how far He has taken my family and I in our journey but to be blunt it won't be done til I see Him face to face when its my time to leave. I'm
I'll start with the fact that it's coming up really fast to a year that my Mum left us to be with Jesus next month on the 10th, time has gone by so quickly and it's amazing to think that this time last year my family and I were at one of the lowest points in our lives. When I look back its really painful to think about how things were then. It's like that time went by like a blur. We were in the process of getting our parents to be married, as well as take care of her as she prepared to leave and then after that my sisters wedding. There was a lot going on. Way more then what we could've imagined I can gladly say that God was there in the middle of it all. In the fear, anxiety, frustration and pain He was so faithful. He was the one that got us through it all.
Every day leading up to when Mum finally left it was so hard, but I thank God for the last moments we all had with her and I do look forwards to telling her all about what happened here when she left. I digress, anyways on the 10th of April she passed away. It had to be the most painful day of my life, seeing the life go from her as she took her last breath still makes me cry but I take refuge in the fact that as she did it was her first breath in Heaven. As I type I wander what my Mum's doing up there and if she misses us, I have a lot of questions about Heaven because of our separation and maybe God will answer them and maybe He will. However I know when it's all said and done I think I'll know everything I need to that's all that matters.
So coming back to the present day, this last past year without my mum has been so hard, I struggle to come up with any other adjective but I think you get the jist of what I'm saying. It has had to be the year where God has truly shown up and really I've grown because He's all I've really had solidly to cling onto. My family have been a massive help in all of this, they second to God have done this journey with me in not the most gracious way, we've crawled our way with the amount of fights and changes and stuff we've had to overcome. But we're here and we're still standing thank God. I continue to pray and believe that the pain that we have faced and will continue to face without our Mum with us on Earth has a purpose. It's already been the catalyst for one of my cousins getting saved which is amazing but I know that there's way more to come.
Ultimately when I started writing this post it was to tell you how although I had let God heal me in some parts of my heartbreak I hadn't fully let Him in. At our recent young adults retreat He exposed the bits of me that I hadn't and revealed to me that I had been using busyness as a means of coping with Mum's passing not Him. I came undone when we were there, I missed her so much and it came out I was crying for the final end of the retreat. He exposed the pain that I had kept hidden from Him through busyness and control and once I got home from it the testing ground of whether I was going to let Him handle the situation or try and work it out myself came about.
It's pushed me to the limits all of this testing but I'm so thankful that through the ugliness of it all God has been with me through it all. The fights, my own coping mechanisms, distraction, self reliance didn't stop Him from turning up and I guess I hope what comes out of it for those that read it is encouragement to those that are going through anything not even grief but just in general. Our God is faithful and what's going on in our worlds doesn't stop Him from being there for us not even our will. He's constantly around but it's up to us on whether or not He gets a word in.
I've learned through all of this that life works better when surrendered to God, especially the ugliest parts of it. Trying to deal with these things on our own only burdens us with stuff that we are not meant to carry. Thinking about this past week, I've felt a lot lighter towards the end of it because I made the decision to not stress about things that were not in my control, as long as I'm giving it over to God it will all work out. The hardest things to hand over to Him are the things that are most dearest to our hearts, mine's my family what He's teaching me is that once I do He's allowed to work on the situation as He wants to. We're not forcing our will to happen and you know if God's on it it's going to work out. I can't say whether losing mum will be the hardest things I go through in my lifetime, only God knows the answer to that. All I know is that if it's not if God can help me and our family to overcome this heartbreak He can do anything else that comes our way.
I hope this encourages someone.
Big Love!
xo
I'll start with the fact that it's coming up really fast to a year that my Mum left us to be with Jesus next month on the 10th, time has gone by so quickly and it's amazing to think that this time last year my family and I were at one of the lowest points in our lives. When I look back its really painful to think about how things were then. It's like that time went by like a blur. We were in the process of getting our parents to be married, as well as take care of her as she prepared to leave and then after that my sisters wedding. There was a lot going on. Way more then what we could've imagined I can gladly say that God was there in the middle of it all. In the fear, anxiety, frustration and pain He was so faithful. He was the one that got us through it all.
Every day leading up to when Mum finally left it was so hard, but I thank God for the last moments we all had with her and I do look forwards to telling her all about what happened here when she left. I digress, anyways on the 10th of April she passed away. It had to be the most painful day of my life, seeing the life go from her as she took her last breath still makes me cry but I take refuge in the fact that as she did it was her first breath in Heaven. As I type I wander what my Mum's doing up there and if she misses us, I have a lot of questions about Heaven because of our separation and maybe God will answer them and maybe He will. However I know when it's all said and done I think I'll know everything I need to that's all that matters.
So coming back to the present day, this last past year without my mum has been so hard, I struggle to come up with any other adjective but I think you get the jist of what I'm saying. It has had to be the year where God has truly shown up and really I've grown because He's all I've really had solidly to cling onto. My family have been a massive help in all of this, they second to God have done this journey with me in not the most gracious way, we've crawled our way with the amount of fights and changes and stuff we've had to overcome. But we're here and we're still standing thank God. I continue to pray and believe that the pain that we have faced and will continue to face without our Mum with us on Earth has a purpose. It's already been the catalyst for one of my cousins getting saved which is amazing but I know that there's way more to come.
Ultimately when I started writing this post it was to tell you how although I had let God heal me in some parts of my heartbreak I hadn't fully let Him in. At our recent young adults retreat He exposed the bits of me that I hadn't and revealed to me that I had been using busyness as a means of coping with Mum's passing not Him. I came undone when we were there, I missed her so much and it came out I was crying for the final end of the retreat. He exposed the pain that I had kept hidden from Him through busyness and control and once I got home from it the testing ground of whether I was going to let Him handle the situation or try and work it out myself came about.
It's pushed me to the limits all of this testing but I'm so thankful that through the ugliness of it all God has been with me through it all. The fights, my own coping mechanisms, distraction, self reliance didn't stop Him from turning up and I guess I hope what comes out of it for those that read it is encouragement to those that are going through anything not even grief but just in general. Our God is faithful and what's going on in our worlds doesn't stop Him from being there for us not even our will. He's constantly around but it's up to us on whether or not He gets a word in.
I've learned through all of this that life works better when surrendered to God, especially the ugliest parts of it. Trying to deal with these things on our own only burdens us with stuff that we are not meant to carry. Thinking about this past week, I've felt a lot lighter towards the end of it because I made the decision to not stress about things that were not in my control, as long as I'm giving it over to God it will all work out. The hardest things to hand over to Him are the things that are most dearest to our hearts, mine's my family what He's teaching me is that once I do He's allowed to work on the situation as He wants to. We're not forcing our will to happen and you know if God's on it it's going to work out. I can't say whether losing mum will be the hardest things I go through in my lifetime, only God knows the answer to that. All I know is that if it's not if God can help me and our family to overcome this heartbreak He can do anything else that comes our way.
I hope this encourages someone.
Big Love!
xo
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